Old Long Ago (Thanksgiving)

For those of you who read my other blog (Emmi & Jonaschiumoso), you know that "Old Long Ago" typically refers to our new year celebrations when we think of all the blessings of the previous year. Thanksgiving happens to be one of the blessingest times of the year. It also happens to be a time from old long ago, and because I am only weakly punctual, you now get to read about something we did a month and a half ago.

Ammie's Thanksgiving Travels to Several Remote Relations of the World
by Jonascum SwiftTHE AUTHOR of these Travels, Mrs. Jonathan Cannon, is my ancient and intimate Friend; there is likewise some Relation between us by her Husband's Side. About three Months ago Mrs. Cannon, growing weary of the Concourse of curious People coming to her at her House in Madison, visited a small tract of land, with an apartment convenient to many in her family, near Kansas City in Missouri, where her sister now lives.

After she returned from Kansas City, she left the Custody of the following Papers in my Hands, with the Liberty to dispose of them as I should think fit. I have carefully perused them three Times: The style is very plain and simple; and the only Fault I find is, that the Author, after the Manner of Travelers, is a little too circumstantial. There is an Air of Truth apparent through the whole; and indeed the Author was so distinguished for her Veracity, that it became a Sort of Proverb among her Neighbours at Madison, when any one affirmed a Thing, to say it was as true as if Mrs. Cannon had spoke it.

Mrs. Cannon hesitated to tell her story, because many of her relations also visited Kansas City at the time she wrote of. However, they are known to be Bald Liars. Her Veracity is well Established, and therefore her version of Events should be paramount.

And now I can procede with her story.

Having been condemned by Nature and Fortune to an active and restless Life, in sixteen Months after my Marriage I again left Madison, and took to Kansas City. We then set sail, and had a good Voyage till we arrived in the Kansas City Stake Center, where we settled for a meal with our family relations.

My family members were huge creatures. Even the babies, Caleb and Ethnee. Though the "little ones" were cute, I had quite a time putting Ethnee down for her nap, especially when she remembered that I was not her mother. I had not recalled how huge they were, especially the Farmer. I attempted to make casual conversation.

"Oh, how lovely is this Sweet potato with nuts and marshmallows."

"What a juicy turkey that is."

"What a large selection of pies--nearly one for each of us."

The giants simply stared at me. The Farmer by this time was convinced I must be a rational Creature. He spoke often to me, but the Sound of his Voice pierced my Ears like that of a Water-Mill, yet his Words were articulate enough. I answered as loud as I could, in several Languages, and he often laid his Ear within two Yards of me, but all in vain, for we were wholly unintelligible to each other. He then sent his Children to their Work, and taking his Handkerchief out of his Pocket, he doubled and spread it on his left Hand, which he placed flat on the Ground, with the Palm upwards, making me a Sign to step into it, as I could easily do, for it was not above a Foot in thickness. I thought it my part to obey, and for fear of falling, laid myself at Length upon the Handkerchief, with the Remainder of which he lapped me up to the Head for further Security, and in this manner carried me to the Kitchen. There he called his Wife, and shewed me to her; but she screamed and ran back, as Women in Idaho do at the Sight of a Toad or a Spider. However, when she had a while seen my Behaviour, and how well I observed the Signs her Husband made, she was soon reconciled, and by degrees grew extremely tender of me. This lengthy process was excedingly Surprising to me, as she was, in fact, my own Mother.

The Accuracy of the subject matter may be questionable, but the Illustrations are, as my mother would say, "fantabulous"!

Most of this text was blatantly plagiarized from Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travel. I copied the text from http://www.jaffebros.com/lee/gulliver/front/publisher.html